Wednesday, 3 December 2014


"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen"Winston Churchill.

God has bestowed special attribute to everyone. Among them one classic power is Vocal command. Or can we say language, as it is not the noise, but an intricate network between tongue, larynx, brain, heart, weaved together and the product that comes out is a conversationalist. Based on this, we classify the world majorly between speakers and listeners. A person realizes this god gift and nurture it further, till he perfects it. But there exists the other species that are not so fortunate, and are commonly known as listeners. We describe their association as one man’s pain is other man’s pleasure. Based on my (y)ears of listening experience, though every speaker is unique and a classic example, it gives me thousands of reasons why he/she should be the next statue in Madame Tussauds Museum. They somewhere sound like bombs. Since the bombs are categorized, so are they :

Category one  

“Sutli Bomb”  -  This is a special Made in India category, where the moment you bring the spark near the bomb there is no guarantee. It can explode there and then at times without giving u time to escape –

Here comes her victim, I mean me...

“Hello” I ignited the bomb!!

“Hello ji!  How r u?  omg!  The weather is acting so funny these days. My kids are down with fever, I was trying to cope up between their illness, my maid, school, don’t u think they are running so fast as far as their syllabus is concerned, when is the sports day, I hope my maid comes that day, Mrs. Sharmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa………” 

Meanwhile I try my level best to cope up with the subjects, trying to respond, the topic shifts faster than the speed of light and my response level stays to” yes” “ofc...” “kintu...” “Par....” “ya” “sur....” “paran..” “True” “but” “na..............”  And I need water, air. My body revolts - Bhaago (Run) but I can’t, I am caught in her web of words. I visualize myself like tom cat, who is run over by a road roller again and again... sigh... bachao kehne ka koi fayda nahin hai !!(No rescue) This category needs no punctuation, no intake of air, water. The coordination between different body parts is so rapid that it leaves no space for other person. Needs no switch on button and till date I have not discovered how to switch them off. 

Category two  

"Trigger Bomb" – The bomb that explodes with a special trigger. A listener has to be smart enough to not only understand but also remember those triggers. Sometimes mere an alphabet like ‘I’ is needed for them to explode.

Here is a demo

“Hello, how are you. I am..” 

“Hi, check my new lipstick shade, oh this is a new ring, I got myself a week ago, just like that, I have lost 2 kgs, my new sofa looks awesome when I sit on it, I was the inspiration of the new party..” 

These bombs explode in a high pitch, it is so loud that you cannot hear your own sound. Yes, faint voices in the head might be felt which keep pushing your body to run! Run to the farthest possible place, away but alas it is of no help.

The only word that can be understood here is - I. .. It’s the “I me” kind, they have a big topic, I...the world revolves around them, centre of earth, attraction, everything. It’s comparatively easy to answer them, a smile and “ WOW, wow, wow, wow, well, wow, really, amazing, wow,great,good ”.

Word of caution – Compliment! Never try to compliment because if any sentence which sounds like a compliment to them increases their coordination of organs, multiple times... like a catalyst. 

Category three 

"Time bomb" – I guess this category is self explanatory; Although I find this category most deadly because there is no symptom or warning signal. They will give you time and space. But actually they are taking time to create a space for themselves and as a topic is touched, they explode. There will be debate, explanation and in depth wiki knowledge where you will be drowned to the depth of Mariana Trench and trust me however hard you try you can never survive. Unlike above two categories where mostly a woman takes the credit, this category led the invention and inclusion of the word ‘mansplaining’ in the oxford dictionary.

Category four 

"Butterfly bomb" – This is not exactly a bomb, but a cracker which comes after you once it is ignited. So once activated people can see you running ahead and sparks all over chasing you.

Here is a demo with shaking hands :

“Hello” I am scared. 

Hi, How r u? You look slim” 


“Na, I think u r just wearing loose clothes” 


“Is it a new facial, which makes u look little younger, or u took a botox?” 


“Your kids are performing well, I heard?” 


“You got them some extra tuition or what? I heard even this school takes the bribe to put the kids ahead!!!!!  


“Anyways, take care, your fine lines are showing up bye” 

The sarcaholics ..They can’t live if they won’t get their victim; they grab u like a lion grabs a deer, by neck. Uff , u can just struggle but can’t speak or retaliate. They are like a tiger on the hunt, from where and how they will pounce on you, only they can tell, and I RIP for the next two days with heavy doses of alprex. 

Category five 

"Firework" - Once ignited it doesn't explode like any of the above category rather displays a magnificent firework.



“How r you?” 

“I m good” 

“Good to hear that...” 

And finally there comes a perfect blend of sense, sensibility and emotions. Someone, who echoes your emotions, highlights your thoughts, hypnotizes you so well that you speak her language and it leads you to the level that you can’t resist her company, die to talk to her again and again. Takes you to a roller-coaster ride, from entertainment to enlightenment, from sorrow to ecstasy, from subtle to loud, and you wish it never stops, but since roller-coaster ride is limited so that the craze stays. You think about them and wish for the next encounter...Of course they are the only motivation why I have kept myself on more of listening side. 

Now it’s your turn to speak :)