Monday, 6 October 2014

The Curious Case of Mr.Eyezzor Button!

Mr. Eyezzor Button – he is a walking definition of a perfect husband. The scholar with an accent. The encyclopedia of everything. Since looks could not kill people, hence he gets a lot of points here. Big spectacles, on a round face, with a Himesh style voice, who believes in pronouncing “kaaaan” from nostrils rather than epiglottis. He can sue you for being a racist, if you fail to acknowledge his presence in dark. 

Well, that was not exactly why he was categorized under “Neighbours envy, owners pride category” . While his wife would be busy chatting and gossiping with us, he would be holding his two hyper kids, which was pretty impressive. 

Well, many can do that as well, but this one stunt is his signature style. We discovered it one evening, when we saw her rushing towards her home. When asked, she smiled and said “ Actually we are leaving for Mount Abu in another hour or two, so I am rushing with my last minute packing ”. 

“ O, Wow! You are going by train? ” one of us inquired. 

“ Naah, Mr. Eyezzor Button is driving ” she mentioned with a smile. 

“ What are you saying? It’s a ten hour drive and its 7 P.M. now. Means you will leave at 9 at night. Do you think it is safe to drive that late? ” (As heard from my husband who is dead against late night driving) I gave a baffled look. 

“ O, yes, what is the problem? See kids will sleep peacefully. No hunger pangs, nature’s calls, sibling fights etc. We will reach there early morning, will rest for 2-3 hours and then will get whole day for sight seeing and shopping. ” 

(Wow! Superman!!!!) – The inner voice was all of a sudden too loud. 

“ Ya great, enjoy the weekend. And when are you coming back? ” We together wished her. 

“ We will start Sunday night and reach here early morning. ” She said casually.

She left, leaving us all green. We all envied her for getting the “Superman”. Why can’t we convince our husbands for such stunts? 

They follow the same pattern for any outing, a hometown visit (which is again 400kms from their residence). 

Once, we met Mr. Eyezzor Button at a parking. We were three ladies, getting out of our car, while he was approaching towards the next car, parked to ours. We all looked at him and flashed the Binaca smile and to our dismay, he ignored us. How could he? What a level of loyalty for Mrs. Eyezzor Button. 

“Fine!” We silently looked at each other with a mental note to kill her for this. 

“ Hello Mrs Eyezzor Button, we met your husband the other day in a parking and what loyalty yaar, he didn't acknowledge our presence in your absence. We are not that bad yaar. At least give him permission to smile back .” We wailed. 

She looked at us. The grave looks gave all of us a shiver from inside. She took a deep breath and said “Please yaar, there is nothing like that. Why will he not acknowledge, if he will see you guys. Actually, he is getting a treatment for his eyes ”. 

“ What? ” We almost got a heart attack. 

“ Ya, he is having a vision problem since childhood. These days he is taking a famous treatment from Chennai. Though it is not very helpful, but now he feels bit better. ” She continued. 

“ Oh, so he could not make out our presence that day .” We were trying to take a clear picture. 

“ Yes, he is not able to figure out things clearly. There is just an outline of the person, but the finer details are not clear. Also he is not able to judge the distance between objects ” She confessed. 

One of us was mentally fainted, other was almost drowsy, but I, the brave one, before passing out, muttered “How Mr. Eyezz-or-Button manages the night driving then? ” 

“ He has a deep faith in God .” She explained. 

“ So do we!! ” The swinging sign board behind truck flashed before my eyes “In God, We Trust” “Buri Nazar Wale

tera Muh Kaala” “Ok…Horn Please” …. tapluk, tupluk, thud – fainted! (Please sprinkle some water on my face – koi paani maaro re!!!)